my back injury

On March 3, 2006, I was a 19-year-old college freshman playing beach volleyball in Florida on spring break. It was a tish windy but we wanted to get in one final game before we packed up to make the long drive back to Indiana. My partner set me and I jumped to hit. The wind…

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be gentle with yourself

Over the years I have found that I am my own harshest critic. It’s not fair to me that I preach being kind and understanding to others, but not affording myself that same courtesy. Please be gentle with yourself.  If you struggle with mental illness and have trouble getting out of bed, give yourself some…

The past year…

Note: This is the first post of many that walks through what I went through in 2019. I've been writing as a form of therapy, and it is mentally draining and exhausting to detail every up and down my life has been on. I am hoping that by doing this in multiple parts, it will…

My Journey to Body Neutrality

I have been attempting to shrink my body for the last 20 years. I tried changing my eating habits. I exercised vigorously. I counted calories. I bought diet pills from the drugstore. When I was at my skinniest, I was acting self-destructive and contemplating suicide every night. I realized I had become a slave to…

confession: my disorders that I’m most ashamed of.

If you know me, you know I am usually very open with depression and anxiety, but there are a few other disorders I have that have always brought me great shame and embarrassment. I’ve mentioned them a few times here and there, but never really explained it.  It wasn’t until a few months ago that…

the inconvenience of mental illness

I have a tendency to spiral with my emotions. If I don’t get an invite to a friend’s party, I get upset thinking about what I possibly could have done wrong or done better in our relationship. I go back to the time in third grade when a girl told me, “It’s not our fault…

when your body betrays you

I came to the hard realization today that I need to learn how to pace myself better. I tend to forget I’m not healthy and try to do way too much, then I end up crashing and feeling guilty and worthless when I am not fully present in a social setting or cannot accomplish my…

4 steps to help overcome negative thoughts

“I am a worthless piece of crap.” “I am ugly and undesirable.” “I am a burden to my loved ones.” “I am better off dead.” Thoughts like these always seem to be on the forefront of my mind. When dealing with mental illness, our minds can be a master manipulator, a liar, and a thief…

5 simple ways to support your friend with depression

1. Check in. Just to say hi. Don’t get offended if we don’t respond right away or send you to voicemail, but knowing you’re thinking of us will mean a lot. 2. Send positive affirmations. Depression destroys any semblance of self confidence so hearing genuine compliments from someone is always uplifting and encouraging. Some examples…

starting new

Today is really hard. Actually, everyday has been really hard lately. It feels physically impossible to get out of bed. When the only thing I feel capable of is playing a game on my phone to distract me from reality. Days where I wonder why I’m still fighting this burden and I constantly repeat “Lord,…