I came to the hard realization today that I need to learn how to pace myself better. I tend to forget I’m not healthy and try to do way too much, then I end up crashing and feeling guilty and worthless when I am not fully present in a social setting or cannot accomplish my to-do list.
The past two weeks have been full of friends and family. It was my husband and mom’s birthday, my sister and her kids were in town, we had three weddings, my in-laws celebrated their anniversary, Father’s Day, and a trip out of state.
I couldn’t wait to spend quality time with my family and friends and we had something planned almost every single day. However, navigating a busy schedule and balancing a spine injury is really tough. Then add on mental illness and it’s a perfect storm. As the days continued, it was getting more difficult to move like I wanted. My mind wouldn’t focus and I was exhausted. I had to leave events early. I napped instead of spending quality time with family. I knew I was wearing thin but we decided to make the drive to Indiana for a good friend’s wedding (the third in a week). I knew it would be hard on my body but so great for my heart and soul because I would see my best friends. Unfortunately I had to leave the reception early due to pain, and I woke up with a nasty head cold. We headed home first thing this morning which means I had to cancel brunch with my girlfriends and a planned double date this afternoon.
My body betrays me on a regular basis and lately it’s caused a spiral into grief. Grieving what my life used to be. Grieving because I have a hard time accepting how my body has changed. Simple tasks like laundry or grocery shopping are overwhelming. Mentally I don’t have the capacity to handle as much as I used to. Trying to navigate this new life of mine is a slow learning curve.
I hope my ramblings are something you can relate to. Or at least help you to understand mental illness and chronic pain a little more. As always, my inbox is always open. I’m so grateful for this platform.
lisa kot stutzman 
I can relate to all this. I’m grateful that my hubby does a lot for me. I have even hired a lady half my age for help in the house. It takes the work off my hubby. Without my next injection, I feel helpless and can’t even shower or dress alone. I am writing this so you know you are not alone. I’m also Bipolar on meds. I do understand.
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Don’t forget to celebrate what you can do!! Also, have you ever heard of the spoon theory? Its a good way of understanding and learning to manage your energy. Xo
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